Welcome to Jim Leyland's School of Baseball Management

For any of you who dont pay any attention to baseball stop reading....for those that do...i guess keep on reading.....

So this past weekend the Detroit Tigers hit rock bottom and their manager, old man leyland, held a closed door meeting with the team. Since then, the Tigs have won two straight and as I write this are punishing last years AL Cy Young CC Sabathia, in Cleveland no less. Two years ago, James Leyland did the same thing and they went on to the world series. It got me thinking, what on earth does jim leyland do to those boys to make them scared shitless to not lose baseball games. Heres what I managed to come up with:

I imgaine a series of threats, proclimations and just down right evil only seen in biblical times. I see Jim threatening to send Miguel Cabrera to the middle of Compton to experience black-brown relations for himself. I see Leyland claiming to call in some crazies to run a train on D-Train if he doesnt start throwing the ball. I see James threatening to take away Bonderman's "Our Country" Disc and enlighten Todd Jones that he will be looking like Urban Camo by the time he gets done beating the piss out of him. I see Leyland looking Palanco square in the face and reminding him what happened to his head two years ago and waring him that if he keeps this shit up no helmet will fit on his deformed head. I see the skipper yelling at Pudge to get back on the juice so hes worth a damn and i see him looking at Granderson and telling him his leg doesnt hurt anymore (a report came out today that Granderson said he could play through the pain). Finally, I see Jim leylyand sucking down cigarettes and looking at his team and saying,

"I'm 64 years old, I smoke a pack a day and I managed Barry Bonds, I shoud be dead, but Im not...do you know why...because I am God and I will damn you all if you keep losing baseball games. And do you know what happens when become damned, you get to deal with the guy standing behind me"

Everyone peers around Leyland to reveal the only man in the room whose not scared of old man Leyland....Gary Shefield holding a Louisville slugger ready to kick some ass.