The Daryl Hall of Fame

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the inagural induction ceremony for the Daryl Hall of Fame. In case you did not know what a daryl is lets just say its someone who sports any combo of a mullet, a use of spray on tan, popped collar, croakie, pink shirts, and camo hats with polo shirts amongst other things. Onto the 2008 Class of Daryls:



Guy with the rolling meth lab

A man whose name we do not know, established himself as an inagural daryl as he shut down east and westbound lanes of an interstate in Baton Rouge, LA when his "mobile methlab" blew up as he cruised down the highway. A truely darlyesqu acheivement...welcome to the club.

(http://www.2theadvocate.com/news/18379779.html)



Cubs Fans

Welcome to Darly Hall of Fame and I hope you never win a world series. (Apologies to my friends who happen to stand the cubs, its baseball season).



The Guy who established Purdue University

A sincere honor to induct whomever this may be for Purdue has produced more daryls and darylettes than any other institution the world. And also a warm welcome to this man's co-inductee, the guy who invented the phrase Boiler Up.



The 5 guys who walk in front me on tuesdays as i walk back from class

You five gentlemen are fine examples of daryls...with your matching shiny sunglass with attached croakies, coordinated salmon colored ralph lauren shirts, off green shorts, and of course sperry topsiders. You five are perfect daryls and im sure you enjoy each other's darylness every evening at the frat house as you sit around talking about last nights cirlce j....um sorry sorry im getting carried away...anyways welcome to the club pull up a chair next to boiler up guy.



Roger Clemens

In lue of recent events...you are a daryl and stay way from our the little darylettes.

The "You gotta drink that Sh#@ PYAAAAAAH" Guy from the silver derby
Welcome to the hall buddy....and remember you gotta drink that Sh#@!
PYYYYAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!



So thats our inagural class of daryls. And now onto our key note speaker and president of the our proud institution.....Kyle Orton..

Draft Day '08

So every year I pay close attention to the nfl draft, for reasons unbeknowst to myself. Perhaps I just need some football in my life in the middle of spring or maybe I enjoy seeing who botches and who does well for themselves, but regardless, every 3rd or 4th weekend in April I am glued to tv computer and cell phone. This year was no different, except for two things: one, I dont have cable and two, I have a wife.

The cable thing is easy to work around. Espn.com has a great draft cast, packers.com has live feeds from the press room and draft room, and Espn radio broadcasted the first and second rounds. My only regret here is that I heard very little banter by Boomer and Mel and had to settle for John Clayton and some other guy, but whatever, its all the same.

The wife thing was a little more complicated. Jill is not a football fan but it was encouraging that we made it through our first packer season as a married couple. There were moments when things got rocky; such as when I woke Jill up at 12:30 in the morning when Football Jesus through the game winnging TD to Jennings on the first play of OT against Denver or when I almost destroyed the apartment chipping golf balls at the door during the NFC Championship game, but we survived. Anyways, the draft is important to me, its the future and a whole lot of fun to watch (especially last year as Brady Quinn plumetted). Unfortunatley Jill doesnt think like me (a good thing) so I needed to come up with a way to keep up to date on the draft while not surrendering my marriage. My attack was two pronged. First, I would induce a steady flow of text messages from friends without wives which would enable me to keep up on the draft while Jill and I ran errands in the afternoon. Second, I would educate Jill on the draft to keep her somewhat involved and mabye, by a stroke of luck, she would become so enthralled that I would end up being the husband of the female Mel Kuiper Jr. Well, I'm not that lucky but at least explaining things to Jill helped. She still doesn't get why I would want to sit around for 5 hours watching a sporting event where there isnt even a game going on (she has a point but at the same time she doesn't). As far as the text messages go, it was going great unitl the packers drafted a guy named Jordy which induced a series of phrases involving the F-Bomb from me in the Winn Dixie parking lot. For those who care it went something like this:

Text: "Pack picks Jordy Nelson, WR, KState"

Me: Who the F is that guy?

Me: Why the F did we pick a reciever?

Me: Hes F'ing white!?

Needless to say, the rant was not appreciated by my significant other, nor was the constant talking to myself in the aisles of Winn Dixie about how perplexing the pick was. I looked like a crazy homeless guy wandering the streets. However, all in all I'd say the draft was a success. I kept myself in the loop without cable and while running errands, the Packers gave me some excitement, and I am still married. Now if only Jill would start to work on her 2009 NFL Prospectus.......

Now I know why Al Gore wanted out

Al Gore had it right when he kept saying no to running for president. He was right to know that he could accomplish more for the greater good of the world outside of the political spectrum. He was burned out and now we are seeing why he got burned out, the recent political war waged on Barack Obama by Hillary and the media has shown me what happens to people with a vision of change and unity in our country. I almost think it would be better off for our country if Obama withdrew and went on a humantarian crusade to make this world a better place, to avoid being ruined by politics. I feel he could do more by not being president, a la Al Gore.

Let Hillary, already a corrupt politician (if you disagree with this just go have a look at this recent political ad http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mt6W3rVTLhw can you say fear mongering), have the political power. Maybe politics isn't a sphere where change can even be brought about. Maybe making the world better is a grassroots movement which is undertaken by every day people. Maybe the leaders of this don't need to be in the public eye and can do things privately. Maybe the answer is not found in legislation but in hard work on the ground by people like you me and Obama. Lets just hope Im wrong about this and come septemeber we have an energized president who can unify a country that is being torn apart.

Welcome to Jim Leyland's School of Baseball Management

For any of you who dont pay any attention to baseball stop reading....for those that do...i guess keep on reading.....

So this past weekend the Detroit Tigers hit rock bottom and their manager, old man leyland, held a closed door meeting with the team. Since then, the Tigs have won two straight and as I write this are punishing last years AL Cy Young CC Sabathia, in Cleveland no less. Two years ago, James Leyland did the same thing and they went on to the world series. It got me thinking, what on earth does jim leyland do to those boys to make them scared shitless to not lose baseball games. Heres what I managed to come up with:

I imgaine a series of threats, proclimations and just down right evil only seen in biblical times. I see Jim threatening to send Miguel Cabrera to the middle of Compton to experience black-brown relations for himself. I see Leyland claiming to call in some crazies to run a train on D-Train if he doesnt start throwing the ball. I see James threatening to take away Bonderman's "Our Country" Disc and enlighten Todd Jones that he will be looking like Urban Camo by the time he gets done beating the piss out of him. I see Leyland looking Palanco square in the face and reminding him what happened to his head two years ago and waring him that if he keeps this shit up no helmet will fit on his deformed head. I see the skipper yelling at Pudge to get back on the juice so hes worth a damn and i see him looking at Granderson and telling him his leg doesnt hurt anymore (a report came out today that Granderson said he could play through the pain). Finally, I see Jim leylyand sucking down cigarettes and looking at his team and saying,

"I'm 64 years old, I smoke a pack a day and I managed Barry Bonds, I shoud be dead, but Im not...do you know why...because I am God and I will damn you all if you keep losing baseball games. And do you know what happens when become damned, you get to deal with the guy standing behind me"

Everyone peers around Leyland to reveal the only man in the room whose not scared of old man Leyland....Gary Shefield holding a Louisville slugger ready to kick some ass.